I have learned that what I believe evolves over time. When I began to understand Georg Cantor, Alan Turing and what emergence from complexity says about entropy, I discovered that I had no free will, that reality was a deterministic illusion, I was then forced to believe in God. I believe in God not by faith but by a certainty based on logic and reason, this understanding began my quest, to know what was Gods' intention?
The Platonic account of Sophia, the desire to know the unknowable, this is us when we contemplate God. Alan Turing said, "We can only see a short distance ahead, but we can see plenty there that needs to be done." and every day like Sysiphus we do plenty, only to find the next day with plenty more to do. Yet, do any of us know why?
In this we are like the Demiurge, an architect building reality from a set of plans, thinking we are in control when in fact we are not capable of understanding this reality, nor the complexity we call God.
For me, I find God in the attempt to understand the word "good," because my God must rest in those acts of kindness and compassion. This concept is difficult for me to understand in the face of all the suffering that I see. Understanding requires me to keep learning, constantly evolving and reshaping my view of God. For me God is not a fixed dogma, but a fluid, endless stream of insight. I see God in the Platonist concept of intelligence, or Nous, a necessary step toward glimpsing an unknowable reality. The more I learn, the more I understand myself and the complex reality I live within. The more I examine my life, the more I know myself, and this permits me to know God a little better. I have come to know God through a deeper understanding of the meaning of the word 'good.' The better I can define what good means, the better I can understand God's intentions.
This is why a monastic life, withdrawn from society and desire, while devoted to uncovering the unknown, holds such profound appeal for me.